A few short months ago while I was still living in Florida, I was experiencing a time of restlessness, which was brought on by a powerful state of what would be considered as a negative thought process. The slow financial times during that period and the months which had preceded it, had built up within me to a degree that I could not suppress them any further. Inevitably, I started fighting the faith within myself and as a result, was swallowed whole for many days by the negative patterns I had created by way of my choosing.. I had lost hold of my inner power during this time and it had shown its’ face to me in the form of self doubt and inner turmoil, which beyond all else, reflected itself in the physical world around me. The majority of those days were spent existing with the inner frustrations of seemingly having less than I needed. It was difficult to focus on the positive aspects of my life experience as I was truly engulfed, most of the time, by choosing to see only the uncomfortable experiences within my day. Giving very little time for appreciation of the magnificent life which I had been blessed with for as long as I could remember.
Through the acceptance of my attitude and behavior of those times, a dear friend helped me to begin viewing my world and the events which it would hold, through the eyes of what is called “Manifestation”.
I now understand that Manifestation is in great part, the awareness of our daily thought processes and how they translate literally, into the material form which we choose to see and experience within our world.. The process is all inclusive. Welcoming the positive and negative experiences by which we either deem ourselves as being blessed or denied of the foundation of righteous balance.
For the past two years of my efforts within conscious living, I had great difficulty in understanding this evasive transformational giant which is known as manifestation. at the time, it seemed to be some misguided and improperly defined terminology that only existed for great teachers, gurus and the spiritually self absorbed humans of this planet. This is no longer the case in my current understanding of achieving a harmonic balance within my life experience from moment to moment, as the setting aside of the old concrete ego, had allowed me to act upon the recommendation of another, who had survived in her own way, the battle of mind and heart, of ego and spirit. She would show to me the opportunity to come to the realization of this achievable balance, where we as a simultaneous part of individual and global consciousness, could exist harmonically with all around us..
It was suggested that I create a list of the things which I felt at the time, that I truly wanted to manifest or have appear within my life. Although they may seem trivial to some, I assure you that the purpose of acquiring these “things”, was for the intention of freeing myself from the concrete box which I felt my life had become in many ways. So I set aside the ego and created my little list. It was as follows:
1. A new truck or Suv: to carry me on my adventures since my current truck needed fairly expensive repairs.
2. Food supplies for one year: to minimize the spending of available cash.
3. Fuel for one year:
4. A new pair of shoes: my single pair was over a year old at that time.
5. 3 pairs of pants: as the two which I had, no longer fit.
6. 10 clean t-shirts: as all of my others were stained and unsightly.
7. A new package of socks: all of my others were random and with holes.
8. A new laptop computer: Dual core, 4Gb Memory, 250Gb Hard drive etc. to keep contact during my travels.
9. Good Health: as I had been suffering from kidney stones for many months.
10. To be able to visit my Mom first: as I thought i would not be returning to New England again, after I started my road to discovery of new places..
After finishing this simple list I was instructed to fold it up and place it in a special place. To just leave it there undisturbed, as I had set the intention and desire in motion by the action of writing it down physically. It was then time for me to say thank you to the powers that be within the universe and to let it go without any further wonder about if I would receive them or not. I was able to do this and the list sat under the feet of my traveling Buddha statue for about two months… This was the first time I had followed through with the recommendation of manifesting my desires of mind into physical form. Many times in the recent past, I had thought that my efforts would bring me results, but I recall always skipping the most important part of letting it go from the mind. I would always continue to ask and to wonder why I had not received anything which I had requested, within the manner of time which I felt I had deserved or expected. I can compare that to the artistic carving of a figure from stone. Yet, if each time the piece was almost complete, we severed the head and then sat back in disappointment and wondered why it had not turned out as planned.
Two months had passed after I had created my list. Things were difficult during those times as I was still battling all that I saw which was negative. A round or two with kidney stones created a very spiritually testing environment for myself, but I was to come to understand that they were a product of the inner turmoil within my suppressed feelings of old. The bomb had been built over many years of painful life experiences which I had labeled as just that within my memories. The fuse was now lit and the implosion on the verge of occurring within me, as I knew that in order to survive my self inflicted chaos, I would have to finally set them free and to transform their lingering memories into the view of their positive, self forming aspects of who I had truly become. I was a good soul. I was a flask filled with love and good intention for the world around me. This is what I decided to acknowledge within myself and to allow all of the experience of old to follow me without judgment and to accompany me in my efforts to help bring peace to those who would cross my path.
Just over five weeks ago, I finally had enough resources to be able to make a physical change within my environment. I was ready to pack up my truck and headed off to the mountainous regions of the eastern U.S. Just hours before my departure, I was packing away the last things which I had not taken care of. One of them being the Traveling Buddha statue which sat upon a wall in my place. Underneath it was the list which I had written some time before. I sat down, unfolded it and began to revisit its’ content. I was almost instantly brought to tears as the reality of what I had written, at that moment, revealed itself unto me as having become a reality.
1. A new truck or Suv: to carry me on my adventures since my current truck needed fairly expensive repairs.
1. Received: Enough monies just previously, to repair my truck to enable a safer journey that was about to unfold.
2. Food supplies for one year: to minimize the spending of available cash.
2. Received: Resources for 6 month of food which was fantastic and comforting.
3. Fuel for one year:
3. Received: Enough saved cash to enable me to provide more than enough fuel for the places which I had preplanned to visit and a whole lot more.
4. A new pair of shoes (low cut hiking boots): my single pair was over a year old at that time.
4. Received: Two new pairs of shoes. One which I was able to purchase myself and the other (low cut hiking boots), which my great friend David found for me by chance only days before leaving. Brand new I must add. Thanks Davey!
5. 3 pairs of pants: as the two which I had, no longer fit.
5. Received: 3 pairs of new jeans that fit me wonderfully.
6. 10 clean t-shirts: as all of my others were stained and unsightly.
6. Received: 10 New T-shirts that were not covered with various building materials and adhesives. They were even my current size. Go Figure!
7. A new package of socks: all of my others were random and with holes.
7. Received: A new package of white socks. yeah they actually have white socks. By the look of my old ones, I thought they only came in various shades of “Hole Gray”… Thank you Jenny May for these..They kept my feet warm during cold nights in the tent.
8. A new laptop computer: Dual core, 4Gb Memory, 250Gb Hard drive etc. to keep contact during my travels.
8. Received: A new laptop with a Dual Core CPU, 4Gb memory, 320Gb hard Drive etc. And it has been a blessing to keep me in contact with my good friends and to assist me with finding my way to the next destination without too much effort…
9. Good Health: as I had been suffering from kidney stones for many months.
9. Received: I was able to pass the last stone which was hindering my health quite a bit. Since that day I have felt more alive and vibrant and I am now much more in tuned with listening to what my body is saying to me……
10. To be able to visit my Mom first: as I thought i would not be returning to New England again, after I started my road to discovery of new places..
10. This is the only one of the ten, which showed itself to me in another way, as I came to visit my Mom after stopping in the other states. When I got to this final request on my list, my mind started in with the old process of finding a flaw in the manifestation scenario. It was quickly washed away though when I looked at the Traveling Buddha statue and had a thought in my head that said: “ The reason that the order of this was changed, was so that you can gather yourself together in a better way first, before sharing your new self with your Mom during your visit. The money which you have will allow you to experience all and more of what you had planned previously and if used wisely, get you all the way to your Moms.” So we’ll mark this one as: Received.
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The only reality that could ever exist through the eyes of your self, is the same one which only you had ever chosen to see… This is “the way” that I have found to describe the inner knowing of our power. Of our God Essence of which we have never been separate from. I can no longer accept the thinking of wondering what could have been or should have been, in my life. There is only the total sum of all experience which I have lived within my choosing and the importance of no scenario is to ever be lessened by the possibility of an alternative outcome. I am me and I am whole and perfect within the resolve of my individual, beautiful story. It is because of this that I now understand that we are all the rarest of gems basking under the sun of our current world.
No matter where we go.. I’ll see you there!!!
And to that friend who I was called to meet so many days ago, for sharing with me your experience, wisdom’s and insights of so many things, know that I love you and that I am eternally grateful for having known your existence.
Steve.
